Driving Abroad

The world is getting smaller and more of us are indulging in long haul holidays, so further to our article ‘Driving in Europe’, here are a few little tips on the perils and practicalities of driving in far away lands.

INDIA

An Indian acquaintance gives the following advice;

1. The largest vehicle always has right of way.
2. Pedestrians are not regarded as hazards because they are soft and squashy and cause little damage to your vehicle.
3. Switching off the lights at night will save your battery.
4. Allah’s will governs all. If it is your day to die there is nothing you can do about it. Driving with care and consideration (let alone skill and concentration) is therefore pointless.

Hiring a car in India is not recommended

AMERICA

The least traffic infringement can unleash a torrent of verbal abuse that would, in Britain, almost certainly result in the protagonists squaring up to one another with jack handles. This sort of thing generally doesn’t escalate in the States however, probably because lots of people carry guns in their gloveboxes.

Here of course guns are illegal so only criminals can have them.

AFGANISTAN

What do you do if your truck has a leaking radiator? You get two urchins with buckets to cling onto the front bumper as you drive. Urchin #1 pours water from his bucket into the top of the radiator. Urchin #2 catches the water as it leaks from the bottom of the radiator in his bucket. They then swap buckets and repeat the procedure as required.

(I didn’t make this up)

AUSTRALIA

The sixth largest country in the world with a population lower than Romania, Australia consists largely of nothing. Geographically (and some would say culturally) most of it is little more than a desert wilderness. Should your car skid off the road in the barren and desolate hinterland, you will probably run out of petrol before you find something to crash into. Despite this, the authorities, even in the sparsely populated Northern Territories, have embraced the latest speed camera technology with a vengeance. It is true that accidents occur in the outback. It is also true that drunken Native Australians without driving licences feature in many of them. Nevertheless, crashing into a kangaroo is not the only highway hazard. So be careful or a couple of speeding tickets may well follow you home.

JAPAN

The Japanese like their cars with plenty of “extras” Even the most dynamically mundane motors are all well equipped. This is because traffic congestion in major cities is so bad that you can’t actually go anywhere. So you just sit in your car playing with the toys. You can even have your car fitted with a loo.

THE CARRIBEAN

Easy man! Who needs stress? So don’t venture onto the roads until you is feeling suitably relaxed. (Local drivers find smoking dope can help here.)

SAUDI ARABIA

Fancy an afternoon drive? This is what you do.

1. Take one Lamborghini Murcielago
2. Take a friend with a Ferrari and a video camera
3. Drive the Lamborghini flat out along a desert road whilst your friend films you.
4. Climb out of the window and drive the car whilst sitting on the window ledge.
5. Wave madly at your friend.
6. Lose control of the Lamborghini at around 200mph.
7. Cartwheel several times before continuing along the road (in an inverted position) for another 1000 yards or so whilst the Lamborghini dismantles itself.
8. Your head and most of your upper body is now a greasy red smear on the asphalt.
9. Your friend posts the video on U-Tube.